Breakdown
by sungrl404
Summary: Haley gets in way over her head when she starts cheating on Nathan with an unlikely source...
1. To Love, To Love Not

A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first angsty R fic so please be kind... Dont flame, just stop reading if its not your cup of tea. Most will think the characters are out of character but I feel its more reality based.. I guess more JADED. So hope you like, r/r only constructive encouragement. Let me know if I should continue it. =)  
  
"Whispers of lies and deceit, as our bodies do meet. Can you feel my heart beat?  
Or is cold like yours?"- Original Poem  
  
Her breathing was eratic as she felt her head crash against the towering headboard. She could feel him tense as he drove into her with reckless abandonment. She shuttered as her release came quickly before his and she felt his body still- over hers as the moment began to die out....  
  
His eyes met hers with warmth and signs of some sort of admiration she had never really noticed before. It had been like this between them for the last few months. She had always been scared that after having sex with him, it would go.. slowly but surely his awe for her would vanish. Now, she knew that wasn't the case. He was her first and most likely last. What an unusual element it was that he would know her in a way no other man would but she would only be a number from his endless list of sexual encounters....  
  
She gulped hard and made it a point to push back the feeling of uncertainity she was encountering at the present moment. It would always come when she contemplated the true meaning of their bizarre relationship.... Afterall, it was only a few months before that she was engulfed with a notion of a dream like reality that simply wasn't fact. Deep down, Haley knew she loved him. How could she not? His love for her was the first of its kind and she spent most of her hours convincing herself of her divine luck. But somewhere in the midst of it all she wondered how in the hell she had allowed herself to slowly slip away from her true identity....  
  
Fast paced life had done a number on her and most of the time she tried to live in denial. Parties became her extra ciricular activity of choice and when she wasn't intoxicated, she spent most of her time being a trophy on display. His arm was always securely wrapped around her making some sort of twisted statement of "entitled property" and she always hated seeing the disappointment engrained on the face of her ex-best friend, Lucas.  
  
Ex-best friend.  
  
Those words were never words she thought she would utter regarding her friendship with Lucas. She would love to have taken all the blame for it but the reality of it all was he had allowed their friendship to dwindle as much as she had. Ironically they were so much alike now; both lost souls entrapped in a world unlike the one they had always known before. He had changed as well, mabye not as drastically... but change had occured.  
  
He wasn't the same anymore....  
  
His style was the first to go. The look of a loner didn't appeal to his new high strung girlfriend and he had begrudingly embraced more "hip" styles. He also stopped going to the court and any friendships he had there were now just distant memories.... Since they both ran in the same social circle, avoiding each other was never an option but any past bond they had once had was now obselete. It had bothered the rest of the group that they were so close... mostly, just Peyton and Nathan....  
  
So for the sake of everyone else's comfort, they had made it a point to keep distance between them. She still worked at the cafe but he was always not around when she was there. The constant phone calls stopped all together and idle chit chat was all that remained and only in the presence of their significant others....  
  
It was the lie they both had embraced; never really understanding the full impact of it. Not until now.  
  
---  
  
"You happy?"  
  
Haley shrugged out of her current state of contemplation and stared silently at the wall before her. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her back as he strummed his fingers lazily on her hipbone. A minute seemed to go by and then another before she finally spoke...  
  
"Yeah... of course I am."  
  
It was ironic that he was asking her this now when in the beginning of their relationship she had been so obsessed with his happiness. Sometimes she would wake up in a cold sweat wondering when the day would come when he'd realize his mistake and break-up with her. All that time she never really thought about her own happiness, she just always assumed it was there....  
  
She felt him stop strumming his fingers and she felt the softness of his lips on her ear as he kissed her and turned over on his own side.  
  
"I love you, James."  
  
Haley forced her eyes to shut as a single tear began to fall down her cheek. She wiped it away with trembling fingers as she vowed to herself she would make it work regardless of the cost she might pay in the long run...  
  
"I love you, Scott."  
  
As night descended on both of them and sleep began to overtake her senses, she wondered to herself if he really knew the truth....  
  
If the realization had yet dawned on Nathan that when Haley said " I love you, Scott" not only was she talking about him but also his brother, Lucas.  
  
A/N: Okay might be kind of cheesy, okay REALLY cheesy but hopefully it will expand into a good story. Just a word of warning it is somewhat Haley/Lucas pairing but I am toying with the idea of in the end, bringing it full circle back to her and Nathan. Guess time will tell. By the way, its pretty dark/angsty and it won't change anytime soon, so just thought I'd let ya know. =) R/Review ASAP! 


	2. Parking Lot Rebellion

The sounds of cars speeding by and early birds chirpping through the trees awakened a sleeping Haley. Rolling over only slightly, she faintly could hear the sounds of Nathan's heavy breathing enrapturing the silence of the room. Carefully and quietly, she grabbed her belongings only pausing but for a moment to gaze at his sleeping form before heading out the door. It was too early in the morning for her parents to be awake so she took her time getting home. It was somewhat of a walk, and part of her wished she had woken up Nathan to take her in his car but the time alone was something of a rare commodity she never fully got to enjoy. As she passed the houses with their extravagant forms, she bitterly compared her current living situation to the people who inhabited the street. It was funny to her at this moment, that her whole house wouldn't even make up a 1/3 of the homes on Concord Ave. She wondered what it would be like to live as Nathan did... with so much luxury and ease. A faint memory of the first time being in his home placed a smile on her face. His annoyance with her was hilarious since that day she had insisted on viewing each room and gathering every significant detail for later recollection... It was like walking into another world, so close to hers but so very far away....  
  
She walked for eternity before familiar sights of modest homes began to cloud her view. She took the long way, pausing only for a second to glance at the Cafe'. Her reflection gazed back at her from the glass windows. She looked like a train wreck. Her hair was messy and matted down in the back and her eye makeup had found a home under her eyes. She wondered if it was obvious that she had been sleeping in Nathans bed and a smirk formed over her lips as she stared at an obvious hickey forming on her neck bone. Her hands traced its outline as intense heat began to burn on her back from the rays of a impending sun.  
  
"Didn't go home, I presume."  
  
Initial shock ran over her as she turned quickly from the glass windows to a leaning frame perched against the door. Her eyes scanned his as she searched for reasoning on his early appearance at the Cafe'.  
  
"Nathan's mom was running late. So I offered to open the cafe' until she gets here."  
  
Haley nodded silently and fixated on a small crack on the ground near her shoes. Guilt washed over her as thoughts started to flood her mind of what her appearance must implicate to Lucas at the current moment. She wondered if he already had known about them being together... intimately. She hadn't realized about him and Peyton until the second month when Brooke had let the information slip....  
  
FLASHBACK...  
  
Haleys fingers traced over the rim of her coke as she tried her hardest to focus on studying for her Lit exam. She had overslept and was screwed if she didnt pass this test today... Her mind wandered back to the drama at the party the night before....  
  
Nathan had been such an ass. He had gotten so drunk that she had spent most of the night baby-sitting him as he bitched and moaned about Lucas being at the party, and his overbearing dad. She hadn't really even wanted to be there but was guilt-tripped into it by Nathan who complained she was too "involved" in her studies to make time for them as a couple....  
  
"Hey tutor-girl, I need some advice."  
  
Brooke slung her bag down on the nearby desk as she crossed her legs defiantly while glancing up at Haley. Haley watched her with caution knowing VERY well that Brooke always had an ulterior motive....  
  
"Um...what do you need, Brooke?"  
  
Haley watched as Brooke cocked her head to the left and then right as if almost weighing the decision of opening her mouth in one of her infamous tell-alls....  
  
"I don't know if you even know about this or really care since you have Nathan and all, but right now I am really depressed about Lucas. I mean things were going FINE until Peyton got her hooks into him again, and well I didn't think it was serious and for the most part, I just thought he'd get bored, you know. Well anyways, little did I know that she has been giving him action for like the LAST MONTH or so. I mean the little whore screwed him while at school in her CAR. I was on my break from Efton's class and I walk by and they are fucking in like broad day light. It makes me sick you know... the whole thing. So anyways, I guess I am just out of ideas on what to do so I was wondering if you had any.. you know, ideas.... so do you?"  
  
Haley was finding it hard at the moment to concentrate. Her whole body was shaking from the inside out as her mind went rampid with thoughts of Lucas and Peyton together. She was trying hard to process it as well as keep her emotions hidden from a intuitive Brooke. Her heart sank and she felt like it had broken into a million pieces as she shook her head and gazed back at her textbook. The next twelve minutes were hard to remember as she practically ran to the girls bathroom, sobbing. It wasn't until an hour later that she finally pick herself up off the floor.....  
  
END OF FLASHBACK...  
  
The memories of that day still lingered for a minute as Haley glanced back up at Lucas. Her eyes focused on him as she watched him shift uncomfortably as if he was in deep thought...  
  
"Well I better open up... see you at school."  
  
Haley nodded and quickly walked past him trying to hide the conflicting emotions that were on her face.  
  
"Haley-"  
  
She turned around as he threw his hands in his pockets, careful to maintain a safe distance between both of them..  
  
"I miss you."  
  
Pain engulfed her as those three words just hung in the air for a minute or so. They were the words unezpected but needed all the same. She longed to say something back but instead opted for a silent nod, returning towards her home... never looking back.  
  
THREE HOURS LATER....  
  
She was in her own private hell... not really sure on how to get out of it....  
  
Walking hand-in hand, they both glided through the halls making pit stops to talk to ALL of his teammates. She faked interest as she glanced back and forth between him and the guys as they talked a range of topics that held no interest to her at all. Every once in awhile she would see one of them, look at her with looks of scrutiny when Nathan wasn't watching. One of them, whose name she could never remember always made it a point to wink at her suggestively as if she didn't have a brain and savored every moment....pathetic.  
  
As Nathan got lost in his world of friends, Haley's eyes roamed the halls scanning for anyone worth notice. As if on que, through the door a familiar face entered and she could make him out even through the crowded hallways. His bag hung carelessly on his shoulder and if she hadn't been paying attention as well as she was, a familiar look that was starting to reappear in his style would have gone unnoticed. He was still wearing only the "fashionable" but there was a slight rumpled look about how he wore it. His sleeves were scrunched up and his shirt was half way unbuttoned, leaving a view of a bare upper chest. His hair wore that messy look and she watched as his face scanned those around him as if looking for someone....  
  
Her heart slightly sank as she realized more than likely, it was Peyton who he was searching for... but for a moment, she allowed herself to fantasize that she was the one he was looking for... the one he wanted....  
  
Haley's head snapped up as she realized exactly what she had just thought of and felt a wave of confusion start to sit in. Her mind raced as she tried to understand exactly what she was feeling all of a sudden towards Lucas. It had only been less than a month before that she had started to almost hate him for his lack of presence within her life. Now, even last night while in Nathan's bed, Lucas started to occupy her thoughts in a way he never really had before....a way she wasn't even sure she was willingly to admit to herself fully... at least, not yet.  
  
Six months had gone by since her and Nathans relationship began. Six months before Peyton and Lucas became an item. Two months since she found about him sleeping with Peyton and less than month since Haley herself began sleeping with Nathan....  
  
She gulped hard at the reality that so much had changed in such a litte time. So much that changed had caused a shift in everything she had known or ever loved... So much.  
  
"Haley? Haley.... earth to Haley. Hey babe, you ready to go?"  
  
Haley snapped out of her current thoughts and looked up at her boyfriend. His eyes searched hers for a minute as his hand squeezed hers lighly.  
  
"Yeah, I'm ready?"  
  
Nathan nodded and smiled, muttering his goodbyes while Haley followed his lead through the halls. He stopped midway to talk to his science teacher and Haley was uncomfortably close to Lucas who was residing near his locker....  
  
She didn't allow herself to look his way but for some reason she could feel his eyes on her and heat rushed throughout the small of her back, edging its way towards the base of her neck. She slowly glanced at him and locked eyes with him for what seemed to be an eternity before she realized she was being led away by Nathan towards the outside of the school.  
  
"So hey, I was wondering if we could cancel our plans tonight and do it someother time. I have a late practice with some of the guys to prepare for next weeks game tonight. Is that okay?"  
  
Haley muttered a "yes" and smiled up at him. For a minute, she allowed herself to get lost in his eyes; remembering all the things about him that made her go weak in the knees.... She wasn't quite sure what possesed her to do what she did, but one minute she was staring up at him and the next she was kissing him with as much passion as she could muster up....  
  
His arms wrapped around her and he met each kiss with equal passion. She felt his tongue glide in her mouth and graze her teeth. His hand went for the small of her back, pressing her into him. Her body molded with his and heat enflamed both of them. As she got lost in his kisses, a hunger started to rise from within her as well as excitement. They were standing outside near the hall doors, where students passes and gawked at the both of them. His lips moved from hers to the crook of her neck and her eyes focused where his car was located. It was positioned at the far east end, surrounded by vacant spaces. A crude idea formed throughout her mind as she pulled away, interlocking their hands and headed towards her car. She could see that he wasn't picking up on her devious plan as confusion was worn all over his face.  
  
"James, where are we going?"  
  
She glanced back as his flustered face and smirked while picking up the pace as they walked. When they got to the car, she slammed him against it, while pushing her body towards his. She brought her hand to his buckle and started to undo it, while all the while leading her mouth to his ear.  
  
"You want me?"  
  
Her words whispered softly to him as she felt his body tense.  
  
"You know I want you"  
  
A gleam entered her eyes as she went for the car door, pushing the back seat back and climbing in. She watched him stand there for a moment and then lean down looking at her as she stared up at him.  
  
"What are you waiting for then, Scott. If you want me so bad then take me, right here... right now."  
  
She looked for him to hesitate but instead a smirk formed on his lips as he got in the backseat, shutting the door behind him.... A thought crossed her mind of Lucas and Peyton together but she shot it down as quick as it came. Somewhere from deep within, she knew she was acting out... trying to erase the pain that wouldn't go away.... but right now, Haley didn't care....  
  
All she wanted was to feel something other than pain....  
  
As she felt him undo her pants and pull them down, she shut her eyes and focused on the moment. She opened them again as she saw Nathan smile at her and whisper how beautiful she was. Her eyes met his as he continued his exploration of her and for a moment, mabye an hour.... Haley James stopped thinking....  
  
It was a moment she would only have when Nathan was inside of her and the emptiness vanished.  
  
A/N:  
  
Ahhh!! Long ass chapter! Yikes. Well anyways, um... looks like I am gonna write this just for me... I guess since no one reviewed but yeah *sighs* what can you do? Hope someone R/R that will give me inspiration to continue... anyone?.... *dont all r/r at once*.... okay... yeah... i'm going to bed. night`! 


End file.
